The Nervy Minutes Before the Exam.

Examinations always taking a toll on my psyche.

It's that time of the year when the collective heart rates of 229 million students across the nation palpitates in an agitated pattern out of the fear of a recurring four lettered demon- EXAM. It is that inevitability of the student life from which everyone wishes to keep a long distance. They try to pull every ruse possible from the hat to circumvent or rather to minimize the turmoil they have to pass through during this most hated phase of 15 days in the year. 

The funny fact is we students are the very champions at the skill of procrastinating. It matters very little to us if they give us 5 days off, 2 days off or 18 hours between two papers. We do most of the mugging just 4-5 hours before embarking our 150 minute battle. The primary reason behind this perilous living-on-the-edge fire play is our silly ego. We are not engineers if we do systematic planned study for a fortnight before the exams. Doing that would be too mainstream schoolboy stuff. 

It all starts the night before the exam. It takes around 3-4 hours to get me into the groove in mentally preparing myself for the hard slogging. Before I know, the clock already shows 10:00 pm. I now start counting number of hours vs. number of chapters left to find the fake solace and try to pacify my mind. By the time, I have picked the book, its already 11 and the ongoing match in IPL has reached its final slog overs. Miraculously, some of the most exciting matches of the season are just on the night before my exam. I always fail to resist the temptation and fall for it. So finally I start studying at around midnight. The first few chapters of the subject takes most of the time and they weigh for hardly any marks in the exam. By 2 am in the middle of the night, panic grapples me and my mind starts wandering about how will I face people if I screw up tomorrow and how badly my already mediocre CPI will take a hit if I flunk 1 subject. By 3, I force myself to sleep out of fear of dealing with burning eyes and banging head during paper. 

Before sleeping, I make sure to set a series of alarm ranging from 4.30 in the morning to 7. I always miss the first few and come to sense at around 6.15. Again the game of counting hours start and I take a breather that I have 3 more hours to ensure that I know enough to garner 23 marks in the paper. After 2 more hours of high intensity mugging, I give up on rest of the chapters and start revising the part which I have already studied to safeguard the knowledge which I already have. 

Now interesting things start to happen when I reach college. In college I meet people and the more I meet them, the more my anxiety fluctuates. Some are super confident, some just put on a confident facade and are on the breakdown point actually from within ( Yeah, that's me.), some unsatisfied bastards and bitches are never contented even though they have slogged for like a million hours before the exams. They still pull out their humongous reference books and last minute notes like for them the university has set the passing criteria of 100%.( This is the specie I despise the most). 

The cruel vice of taking exam from GTU ( Gujarat Technological University) is that they have this system of reporting half an hour before the actual exam time. Those 30 minutes are actually the crudest 30 minutes to sap all the mental peace. You are absolutely allowed to do nothing rather than just sitting on your most uncomfortable seat ( Sometimes you feel the Iron Throne of Game Of Thrones could be more comfortable compared to your exam desk.) and looking around flashing awkwardly nervous smiles to all the fellow victims with whom your eyes meet. Sometimes they extend their sympathies by giving you a thumbs up. I have never figured what does it mean.Is it intended to make mockery of my misery? Does it convey that they are too in the same orbit as I am in? I just smile back and imitate it just because I don't want to be rude. 

Some goes even a level further and start discussing the theories totally unheard about if they find the invigilator a little mellow as if they had an epiphany and the theory they are discussing at the eleventh hour will be right up there in the question paper. This is when a new tide on panic rushes in and I do every thing possible to divert your mind. Sometimes I commit a blunder there and let the lease loose on my mind and some random stupid song starts playing in my mind on a loop.Sometimes I just think of all the pleasant things to come in my life after the paper like food, relentless sleep or the impending CSK game where victory is a certainty. 

The heart rate bursts just as the question paper is circulated. I look at the question paper with mixed expressions of triteness,anger, mercy and all the other possible emotions. Quickly at a glance, I judge how badly I am going to be cooked in the massacre. If the paper is easy, I just feel like doing a little jig on the moment as if I have been vindicated from a serious crime. Then the new rush of adrenaline pushes in and the pen starts flowing smoothly. But all the momentum is reduced to nil just after 2 questions. Suddenly I feel all tired and lifeless and feel like not writing a single more word. I just prefer to take oral exams and vivas rather than this written crap. The only motivation of still carrying on after I have lost all the motivation is that I don't have a choice.

If the paper is difficult, I first count the marks in most optimistic manner to see if there is a slight ray of hope or not. If there is one worth fighting, I start gouging out each single mark possible from that. I try to fatten my answer sheet by using my linguistic skills, my extra large font and somehow manage to fill 4-5 supplements and go by the logic that they will give at least 0.75 marks for each page I fill with crap. I just do my best and hope for the miracle.

The last category of paper I probably face is that tricky ones where I don't know any answer entirely to feel confident for, neither I am in total oblivion for giving up the hope. There I start confidently and after 2 - 2.5 pages, what I write is just gibberish.  There I know I will not flunk, but I am never sure what grade to expect. It is even harder to explain this situation to parents when they interview you after the exam. I try to avoid and give a curt reply I don't know how it went. I immediately bite my tongue after that as I know I have been sucked deeper into the fatal vortex of their fury. I am attacked with tirade like "What kind of reply is that? We told you to study harder. How can you not know what have you written? I think you have flunked and you are just circumventing us." Then my mind starts to think alternatives for damage control. And a cliche comes to my help and I end with " I went well but one can never be too sure with GTU. As you know, it has a reputation." 

The fun never ceases after the paper. How everyone around discuss answers as though they can have the opportunity to redeem themselves afterwards is surly bemusing. I enjoy shrieks of cheer if someone around finds that their fluke will actually pass them the paper or the cries of despair if someone else learns the answer they were so sure of turns out to be incorrect. I prefer not to discuss it as I am the one who believe the least in the regret and repentance.

But the best moment in all these pandemonium is the one when I come out of the exam hall. It matters the least whether I have aced it or made mess of it or just done enough to survive by the thin thread, the relief is the knowledge of it having been ended. There is so much happening during  those funny 15 days that no matter how much I repel it now when I am facing it, I will surely miss in my post engineering days.

Happy Exam Seasons. Do well and always look forward to enjoy in your holidays.

P.S. Please don't get inspired from my life. My experiences are to be enjoyed,not to be emulated.